Piece by Peice…

So every morning when I’m getting ready & listening to the radio, Kelly Clarksons song Piece by Piece, about her father that left her comes on. Every. single. morning., I listen to those words over & over and feel her pain. Before I go in to how I feel listening to her I must tell you that I have a wonderful daddy, he’s my step father & has been since I was 3 years old. I never really had any thoughts about my biological donor until seeing her perform that song on American Idol. It was like a flood gate of emotions came over me and I cried, I UGLY cried. I’ve never given that sorry excuse of a person a chance to make me feel anything, but that night and hearing this song daily has me in a series of emotions, questions & feelings that I’ve just never faced head on in my 38 years of life. She sings how she remembers being 6 years old in a airport watching him walk away, then how she was “worthless” to him. I didn’t watch mine walk away from me because well, I was a infant. A brand new baby girl that my mother tells me the nurses in the hospital went nuts over because I has soot black hair that curled over my gown collar! I’ve definitely never lacked love, I want to make that very clear. My mother and my mamaw, her mother, brought me home and I’m sure that my back hardly ever laid down for long because I had the both of them and cousins that loved to play with & hold me like their own! I can’t help but wonder if I ever realized that I wasn’t like others who had a daddy with them. A strong protector figure that chased away the night monsters, flew me around high in the air like a airplane while laughing, telling me that I was his baby girl & how much he loved me. They say you can’t miss what you never had and that seems to be true in my case. He never wanted me form the beginning, I never had even a chance at those things in my earliest years. So even though she is talking about her husband putting her back together “Piece by Piece”, my daddy, Ricky Reeder is my hearts mender. He took in a scrawny little soot black haired little girl who if I’m correct, called him daddy on our first meeting. There had to be something I saw & felt from him, maybe it was just a man figure that I wanted, maybe it was I knew he would take me in as his own and I’d forever have a daddy, a true father to take care of & protect me. It’s just something that every little girl needs in her life. Has he been perfect, no.. but neither have I as his daughter the past 35 years. We’ve caused each other tears, shed tears together and have a bond that nothing or no one can break. But I can’t shake these new found thoughts. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t he want me, would it have been different if I was a boy? I mean I was his flesh & blood, but I do know that it was a bad situation between my mom and him and he had moved on to someone else, but I, I was still his even though and he walked away, never even seeing me. What a piece of crap, a waste of good air that I struggle to breathe. Every new doctor I see asks the family history questions & well I get the please of saying “I don’t know my bio donors info” because I refuse to give him any other title, but it’s another reminder that I was left, unwanted. I’ve given my daddys info before and then stop mid sentence because I remember that his history doesn’t effect me. I never ever refer to my daddy as “My stepdad” I always just say MY daddy is Ricky Reeder! when we are out together and I introduce him as just that, we usually always get, “Well I can see it for sure, you look just like him”. We just smile at each other, thinking the same thing but never say a word. Sometimes I get ” You’re a Reeder for sure”. My daddy has been one of my biggest supporters all of my life, even on some of my dumbest decisions. Like the chorus of Kellys song..”Peice by piece, he restored my faith, that a man can be kind, and a father could be great” describes my daddy and what he’s done probably without even knowing it, in my life. Also I have to give credit to my own husband, Michael for the father he is to our 2 wonderful daughters. He didn’t have a bio worth breathing clean air either. He did abandon him at a young age but old enough to feel the sting of it all and wonder what he did & why. I never knew mine at all and still don’t. the only memory I have is meeting him somewhere with my mother and he had a raccoon. that’s all I have, and in 1999 I saw a obituary in the local paper and recognized the last name and found out it was his brother, who would have been my uncle that passed. I contacted his wife and she immediately knew who I was. We talked a long time and the most I got from the conversation was that my would be grandfather who had already passed had a wallet that he carried for years and inside it when he died was a baby picture of me. He cared, but my bio never did. she offered the wallet and pictures to me to have but I declined. I didn’t know these people and I honestly I guess was scared to. I didn’t want to hurt my daddy and we talked about it afterwards and he understood my emotions. I was only curious to know if I look like him, have brothers or sisters, would he recognize me from across the room. Guys, the real kicker and my final closure I thought was when I gave her my name, phone number & address for him to get in touch with me if he wanted and well it’s 2016 and not a word. guys he just lives about a hour from me in a close town. He stays off the grid and honestly I’m glad. I don’t want him knowing me, my husband, my girls and most of all my granddaughter. We feel the same way about my husbands bio, they both don’t deserve the pleasure of seeing who we’ve become and our accomplishments. Our oldest almost was introduced to my husbands on a trip to California with his mother but Thank you God, it fell through and it never happened. That didn’t sit to well with us after finding out after the fact. The song has just ripped opened a old wound I guess for me that I thought was sewn and stapled shut. some listen and think “O how sad for her”, while others of us live & feel the words deep in our soul. It infuriates me to see kids with real fathers in their lives and homes who don’t know or care about what they have. They were blessed enough to skip the chapter of abandonment in their lives. Even my own girls sometimes forget what they really have. I love the part where she says she “fell far from the tree, I will never leave her like you left me”, My husband fills that line & roll. He definitely through thick or thin would have never and will never stop being our daughters biggest fan & supporter in their lives even if he doesn’t agree with the choices made and paths taken, he’s always there. That’s something they can count on! I’ve had that all my knowing life too and it makes the wound slowly close again, because when the bio didn’t want me, well Ricky Reeder did and still does. We are closer now than we’ve ever been. I can go to him in any situation and he won’t always have the answers or know what to say but he listens and if I want to cry, usually he’ll cry with me. We share a love and passion for the Ole Miss Rebels and have gotten to go to games together and I’m looking forward to more of them together this season. We take our youngest daughter with us so these are memories made with her daddy too. So I guess I can end this with a “Thank You” to Kelly Clarkson for putting her painful story into a song so that I could finally face my own and get the closure I needed. I can’t say that her song won’t still bring me to tears, because well, everything does, but I can listen and say that the hero in my song is my own daddy & knowing that my girls will never feel the hole, the emotions or heartbreak of wondering why they weren’t wanted by their father is closure. Total closure knowing that I am blessed with what & who God hand picked for me, to raise me and my husband to raise our own girls. My advice to young fathers or fathers to be in general is this, raise the children you make and if you don’t want the responsibility of it then walk away completely, don’t string a innocent child along for a ride that’s going to haunt them later in life. Let them go, let their mother go and don’t look back and if along the way something changes and you grow up & decide you truly want to be a father, then take the correct steps to do so, but don’t be surprised if another has taken the position that you didn’t want. Even if my bio would have returned, still to this day..He would and NEVER could take the place of my real daddy! It feels good to actually get some of this out of me, off my heart & chest. like a therapy in itself, you never know the baggage someone is carrying that is weighing heavily on them. The best part of all to share is that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me despite my failures and faults, my sins and shortcomings He daily forgives at my asking and wakes me up fresh & new every morning. If there’s a hole in you that hasn’t been filled, just know that it can. Your Heavenly Father is waiting..




In His Love…

Advertisements

Why I had to apologize to my husband…. 

So with all the Ashley Madison list news on every channel it seems, naturally when my states list was posted and came across my Facebook newsfeed I had to have a look for myself. Why? Well why not? I mean I don’t really know anyone who hasn’t at this point looked to either confirm their worst fear, put that fear in its final resting place or just be nosey! For me… It was to put that fear in its final resting place where it belongs. I debated on looking, I really did.. But there was that little voice inside my head.. The “what if?”. Let me explain… See my husband and I both have cheated in the past.. Yes I said it, you read it right. My husband and I, Both of us, not at a monetary cost on a credit card but nonetheless free either! We are of the few survivors if I may, but not without victims though. Our families suffered, other parties suffered but most importantly our children suffered. They suffered the consequences they didn’t ask for like being looked at differently, talked about, whispers on isle 4 while shopping with one or both of us… All things they didn’t deserve but we did.

 We’re ALL guilty of doing it… gossiping, talking about others, admit it, you’ve heard about something or someone and saw them or their kids and said.. “That’s so n so’s kids, you know…”. It’s funny that people say “I have no stone to throw”, but they are the first to throw the hardest! I know because I’ve taken several to the face. I’m not saying I/we didn’t deserve it but our kids didn’t & don’t. 

When you’re looking at the list, whether it’s in the closet with a flashlight, while hubby or wifey is at work, asleep, in the bathroom or changing a lightbulb (it could happen) keep in mind that most likely there will be someone you recognize, someone who’s life is about to be turned upside down if it hasn’t already times before and been dealt with and old wounds will be viciously reopened. Keep in mind that the children are the real losers in the situation, they didn’t ask for anything that will come from this all being exposed in the way it’s about to be. They didn’t ask for mommy crying and yelling at daddy or even vice versa, for mommy or daddy to become sad, withdrawn & ill, thinking in their minds it’s all their fault in some way. I say vice versa because even though it was mostly men that I saw, there are also women listed too. 

So, back to my title of this blog post, I owed my husband an apology because I DIDN’T see his name and by me looking at that list while laying on the tanning bed, getting our youngest daughters clothes ready for school & after my shower (there are over 3500 names okay) it implied in his mind that I was looking for him there and I could tell I hurt his feelings and showed I didn’t trust him like I say.

 Maybe I was, Or maybe it was to see if the ones who talked about us both so bad we’re about to get busted themselves… There, I’ll admit it! 

BUT I felt as big as a grain of sand when it hit me hard that never once did he say let me look, I’ve already seen or get my phone to see the list for himself. I realized right then that he finally TRUSTED me! I’m sorry to sound boastful when so many are about to be hurting but this is a great feeling and I owe him the apology for not allowing him to feel this same awesome feeling of complete trust again in our marriage. It’s obviously something I need to work on in myself and I plan to full force because he deserves it. Forgiveness is key.. Things will never be forgotten by anyone in this kind of situation, but through forgiving, mercy, Grace, prayer, love & support it is possible to move ahead. Believe it or not and call me a religious nut if you please but this could all actually be used for Gods glory… 

Think about it for a second… 

The devil is having a field day with all this right now but what if instead of going to a lawyers office the couple goes to church, to their pastor, counseling, a couple whose been there before that survived and it makes their marriage stronger than ever in spite of what the devil intended which is tear them and their family apart! It’s definitely a choice to be made and I totally understand it’s not something everyone can do because each person and situation is different so don’t misunderstand or get me wrong. I do realize something’s & people are not fixable no matter how hard you try or want it. I’m a pretty open book if you come to me and ask, but sharing this very personal part of my life isn’t easy because I’m not proud of it and it’s wounds for both of us, but it was laid in my heart to share this morning and it wouldn’t go away. In closing all I ask is this…  

After you look at the list for whatever reasons (you know you will or have) just say a quick prayer for the people on it that they will learn a definite hard lesson but most of all for the families involved, the children who never ask for a cheating parent or parents. Pray for healing and restoration across the nation. If over 3600 were just in MS, I can only imagine the national numbers! My husband and I are SO far from perfect and never claim to be, but we are moving forward together, loving each other, clinging to God and our Faith to see us & our family through each & every day! I think that many more can do the same!

In His Love…  

 

Grandmothers and What I’ve learned… 

  

It’s been a while since my last blog but I’ve been kinda busy between being sick, my daughter Emmas 10th birthday and now getting to sit with my Memaw at the hospital everyday. Read that last sentence again, I said “getting to” not “having to”. There’s a very big difference! See, I’ve been awarded time with her from God, and I plan on taking full advantage of it too! I didn’t get these extra precious days with my Mamaw because she died of a massive heart attack while I was on my way to the hospital.. a day burned into my memory that I will never forget. What I’d given for just… Time.. So I’ll begin her.. My Mamaw, Mable Irene Clayton..  


Mamaw was a one of a kind sweethearted, loving, fiesty lil woman! But there was NO doubt she was a Christian woman and how did/do I know that you ask? She gave her heart to the Lord before I was even born & She was always, I do mean always reading her bible. The only other thing I ever saw her read was the Daily Journal matter of fact! And she shared her heart & love for Christ whenever she could with others.  She gave my husband Michael his very first and only bible he’d ever owned in his life when he was 21 years old!! Funniest story… It was a Christmas present and she wanted his name on it so myself, her & Michael went into Village Green and she chose the one she liked and proceded to ask me in her “whisper voice” how to spell Michael!! Funny thing is… Her whisper voice was more like a holler! He heard her of course from across the store but acted so surprised when he opened it at Christmas! Her words to him were “Son, use it for something to remember me by if nothing else” because at the time he didn’t go to church with me. She died the following February.  

 

I know she’s happy now because it’s gotten more use than a memory of her praise God! She was my best friend and I learned so much from her, good things to carry on, things to be proud of. She wasn’t like some grandmothers I know of today who do things for spite, go against parents wishes and she had respect for my mother & daddy. I guess maybe because she was such a good woman inside and out.. Not just for show and the real truth was kept hidden. Nope… Another story is when I left my husband the first time all mad thinking I could go to her house and she’d take me in and baby me. Boy was I wrong!! I walked in that door and her words were ” you better get your butt back home young lady!” I was shocked!! I couldn’t believe she said that to ME!! But now.. Now that I’m no longer that young and dumb know it all, I’m SO thankful for her standing her ground because I know it wasn’t the easiest thing for her to say to me. It was tough love in its sweetest form. It made me love her more, a deeper love than I’ve ever known. She made sure I was always in church with her when I spent the night and guess what guys… I WANTED to go! Yep.. Kind of unheard of these days but it’s true. When she spent the night with us she went to our church, she wasn’t going to miss one place or the other that was a guarantee! She was loved by my daddys family & my memaw too, she was something and I could go on & on but on that note I’ll tell you a little about my Memaw now! 

 
She also is a strong Christian woman and has been since I’ve known her. She’s always been involved in church and present there! You could say she’s one of the pillars that built Center Hill Baptist Church! What a legacy to leave, but that’s not all! She’s the best cook I’ve EVER known! She wasn’t stingy with her cooking and food either, if someone was sick or in the hospital you could bet you were getting the good stuff! Every Christmas the big fuss was always who got more peanut butter balls in their goody bag!! Those things were like crack is to a junkie! Ha! She’s always been and still is even to the day of me writing this a super strong, enduring of much woman. She’s currently in the hospital with a newly operated on hip and is suffering from the cruelest disease I know now, Alzheimers. This morning I was beginning my day with her and noticed she was stopping breathing for a few seconds at a time and I panicked, called the nurse and had a mini melt down and she showed me what to do if she didn’t start breathing again fast enough so I was prepared. Well so then they come get her up for physical therapy and have a walker with them! I’m thinking yeah right but go ahead and try her buddy. Well she showed out y’all! That lil woman walked on that walker 3doors past hers down the hallway! My daddy was there by then and we were watching in amazement together while crying happy tears of joy! That’s the good stuff people! You can’t make that up! I was so beyond happy and so thankful but at the same time I wanted to spank her lil bony tail for pulling that breathing thing on me and then going for a little stroll down the hallway, assisted of course but she did it!! Not only that but we (my daddy & I) strolled her outside in the wheelchair to see the flowers, the sunshine & get fresh air. This day goes down in my number one greatest memories book, a day I’ll never forget not only with her but with my daddy too! Seeing him be so gentle, so loving and gentle when I’ve always known him as a rough and tough man who never cries is good for my heart and I’m a super emotional person & always have been so he’s in great company! She always along with my pepaw took us to church if my parents didn’t go. She loves the Lord and like my Mamaw took every opportunity to tell and show it. She’ll still ask you “where do you go to church?” So you better have one! Both of these women in my life are the reason I’ve fought for my relationship and marriage(s) to Michael. They were both firm believers in not getting a divorce because it’s biblical. Mamaws husband passed away when my mom was 3, but Memaw endured struggles with my Pepaw before he let the Lord help him but she stayed and never left ever! I have the utmost respect for these women who helped shape & teach me. 

 
I’ve learned from them how to cook the good stuff and be a grandmother if God chooses that for me someday to be. And I’m thankful for lessons from others about how NOT to be! I can promise you that I will never go behind my girls backs to make my grandchildren happy, try to gain them or their love by making them “happy” or buying their love instead of doing the things that I can be proud of like these grandmothers have done in my own life. I want to leave the legacies like they have left and are leaving for everyone to one day remember me by too! I’ll close pn that note and just say I love & miss you Mamaw & I love and cherish my God given time with you Memaw, you both have this granddaughters heart and I’m blessed God gave me the two of you!!  

In His love..💜💞💜 

But A Vapor..& not the Vicks rub.. 



I know I’m not a daily or even weekly blogger but it’s because I really think and pray about what God wants me to share. This past week it’s been on my heart so heavy about how the bible says life here on earth is “but a vapor”. Now, when I hear or see the word “vapor”, my mind instantly goes to the little green canister full of that thick, loud but good smelling snot looking mixture that was slathered on my chest and neck, even under my nose as a child at every hint of a cold or cough! Yeah, it worked and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t done the same to my girls at the hint of a cold or stuffy nose! Even though this may not be the best comparison for the verse in the bible, I think its meaning is that life here is short, gone in an instant, before we know it. I guess maybe kinda like how the vapors from the rub on my chest, neck & nose only lasted a few minutes,  the time it was there was very well spent, worked and it was appreciated even though it wasn’t always pleasant. We take for granted just how short this life, our life & the life of our family really is. We go about our “own things”, doing what we want and not really giving a second thought to the very fact that someone we love so much could be at the end of their vapor. The last time you hug them, say  “I love you, be careful “, see you later, take care, eat that most favorite dish they make for Sunday dinner after church, play a game of Uno with you, draw you a picture or even remember your name and who you are to them. Why is this? Are we so busy or just so cold, hateful, insensitive, uncaring, jaded, consumed by the world & lied to by the devil that we believe we have all the time in the world to see someone again, to do & say all the things we thought couldn’t be taken away in a instant? So much is burdening my heart for a couple of reasons on this. In 1995 I lost my precious mamaw to a massive heart attack suddenly. It rocked my grounded world, I was lost without her and I thought my heart would never heal and I wanted and still want on most days just to hear her voice, see her smile or taste her chocolate pie just once more. But mostly to say, ” I love you Mamaw”, and hear her say it right back, but that isn’t going to happen.

 In 2013 my Memaw started developing Alzheimers, a terrible disease that steals the mind leaving nothing but confusion and a shell of the person you’ve known all your life, but they look at you as a total stranger. That hurts… It’s a indescribable pain to walk in a room, say hello and hug someone you love so much, they are physically sitting there, you see & feel them exactly like you remembered the last time but they don’t remember you at all and each visit contains the same fading conversation of “where do you live”, “whos your family”, and “do you have any children”? The first couple of times I’d cry after when she couldn’t see me, but now I smile with every answer and tell her everything she wants to know with a big smile. And I enjoy our time, every word spoken between us now are sweet memories I will carry even if she cannot any longer, and before I leave I get at least two gentle but big hugs and tell her I love her so much, she may not remember me anymore but she always says it right back. 

Going through both of these different scenarios with my grandmothers are hard of course, one I lost suddenly but the other I’ve lost and am losing very slowly. I’m not sure which is the worst. In 2011 my mother had a heart attack. At the time we were not on good terms and I actually found out she was in the hospital by a Facebook post of my aunts asking for prayers. I panicked, like literally panicked. I couldn’t breathe, immediately started sobbing, not crying but sobbing. I found my aunts phone number and called her demanding to know why no one had called me to let me know. All of a sudden I had become unmistakably aware of the importance of the verse in the bible and it included my one and only God given mother! At that nanosecond nothing mattered, not a fuss, who said what & when or why, who was right or wrong, hurt feelings or much less pride or ego! All that mattered then was getting to my mamma! I can’t remember if I called her first or if I just went straight to the hospital but I will NEVER forget opening her door, seeing her in that bed and just falling over her crying, telling her how much I loved her and how very sorry I was for everything. It didn’t matter who did what, I was sorry and I was so thankful to be able to tell her that and say I love you again. As I was doing that she just kept saying “It’s ok” over & over, trying to comfort me as she lay there. I looked at the pictures of the blockages that almost took my mother from me and I vowed to myself to never let anything keep me from saying ” I love you”. Now don’t get me wrong we still have our mother/daughter moments but I will never take her for granted another day! I see her when I can, which is no where near enough, we text, talk and she comes to my house and I see her at church and that’s my favorite time to share with her. 

There are other stories including my daddy, sisters, my girls, Michael.. But I know you guys have other things to do today than read! I will end with this thought.. Nothing or no one is to important to keep you from those you love and cherish. It’s a human fact that we won’t be here forever, we don’t have all the time in the world, we may not even have a hour from now, much less tomorrow to go visit, eat a meal, watch a movie, play a game or just talk with the people we love and who have loved us. Always say “I love you” even if your mad, and hug, touch, play.. Make memories and take tons of pics because one day they will be your memories in print and the only thing you have to hold. Last.. Don’t take for granted that you will always have someone, your timing & terms don’t matter to God when it’s their time to go! One last pic to share, Macie and I.. A girl who was as close to me as my own daughter, that time, words & hurt feelings ended up getting in the way of our relationship for while and even though it was ok in the end, there are words that will never be spoken, no more hugs, I love you’s,  laughs, cries, acting silly, crazy or having serious heart to heart deep conversations. All I have is that last memory of you asking if I wanted extra butter in that drive through with your beautiful smile. She was killed in a tragic car accident Dec. 3rd 2013. I will always love you Macie Elaine.. What I’d give… 



In His Love..

Will these gloves ever come off? 



Have you ever felt like you were in a permanent fight? Like you’re standing in a boxing ring and as you finsh off one “opponent” the next one immediately steps in before the guy even says “Lets get ready to RUMBLEEEEE” again!  Now I’ve never physically fought anyone in my life unless you count a few matches over the phone with my sister as teenagers, or the one time at a Creed concert that there was a huge fight including the same sister and I pulled a guys extremely long hair with all I had to get him off of someone. Which by the way made me feel totally awsome! Anyways, those are blogging stories in themselves so moving on. Everyone faces different battles in their lives and how and whether or not they choose to fight them is their decision. I began my fight at a earlier age than some I guess and am still fighting to the very writing of this blog post. Not the same battle of course, there have been to many to count.. but they began when as a young child I was molested. I had a good but dysfunctional childhood if that makes since as my daddy was a closet alcoholic, who I knew was a very hard worker that I just thought slept alot from being tired and had a bad temper. My mamma was very strained mentally for different reasons which caused us not to have the close relationship most moms and daughters do, but thankfully both of my parents are amazing today and we are closer than I ever imagined we would be. I was date raped at 13, married at 14, yep.. It’s not a typo, I was married at 14 to Michael who was 18.  None of my friends but one came because well, none of them had licence to drive and what parent was bringing their child to that right?! Most of the 23 years I’ve been married to Michael have been a fight of some sort. Fighting to get him in church, to work, to control his temper, control the in laws, just the basics of pick this up, put that away, ect. After 18 years of marriage we actually divorced but remarried each other almost exactly 2 years later. Here we are 23 long years in and he’s more than I thought ever possible in a man. I thought it would never happen and I know most would have walked away. We still have “fights” of course, who doesn’t, but praise God, he’s a Christian man in church, prays with Emma Faith at every meal, bedtime every night and finally put the law down in other areas which are future blog posts too! After all this you’d think my battles were slacking up but O no.. They were just getting started good. In 2008 I was robbed, which led to being hospitalized for a solid month in Behavorial Health. In 2009 I had a unavoidable hystorectomy and the Dr. hit a main artery and didn’t know it so I bled out all night and ended up back in the OR for two emergency surgeries and Intensive care for 4 days, totall of 7 days for what should have been a simple 1 night stay. 2010 I tried commiting suicide and was in the hospital in ICU again for some days but it was not my time and I’m so thankful God left me here once again!  Three years after the robbery , 2011 a addiction to the nerve pills I was prescribed landed me in rehab fighting to get off them for good and I’ve not touched one since, praise God!! 2012, a teenager.. Need I say more? Not in this blog but a later one sometime. 2013 I became sick and am still sick in a fight against my own body, a fight for each breath and step I take and I’m giving my absolute all, and I won’t go down easy! 2014, I claimed it as our year, my family’s that is, but again I was wrong, and there are battles still going on into this year, with my health,  my teenager, the past, which totally shouldn’t be but there are a few people who just will not let you live it down or forget it but totally forgot their own. Another blog subject right! But I will finish this extremely long blog with this, there have been and I know there will continue to be battles big and small to come and even though there are days I’m ready to throw in the towel, I’m reminded that I don’t have to fight them on my own! I gave my heart and life to God years ago but I was to stubborn and ashamed to ask Him of all people for help. Now a days the smallest fight is more than I can handle so I give it to Him to fight for me. I learned to not argue, to walk away, for good if necessary and just fight it on my knees in prayer, after all it is the best weapon we posssess when we have Him within us! So.. I know my answer is yes, my gloves will come off in His time, when He chooses to remove them for me and in the meantime I know to let each fight make me that much stronger and closer to Him for the next one! Where does your strength for your own battles come from? 

In His Love.. 

And so it begins.. 

I’ve thought about doing this for a long time now! I love writing and talking so I think it’s perfect for me. I have alot to share.. I’m 37 years old and I’ve been through more than most in these short years. In my blogs that is what I plan on sharing with you all, along with random thoughts of course on random things! Some posts will be serious, some sad, some heartfelt and some funny I’m sure! But that’s my life in a nutshell and I wouldn’t change it if I could. The point of our life is to live it right? I have to give credit and thanks to a most special friend Beth Paynes for encouraging me to finally do this! I think the final push was when I posted this exact pic as my cover photo on my Facebook page and she commented how great it would be for a 1st blog photo! So guys, here it is.. and so it begins! 

In His Love..